The World is a Confusing Place...

The world is huge. I know so many people will say "oh, it's a small world!" and I suspect this is with a hint of irony. 
I am someone who has never travelled, never left the UK, and I would love to. There are so many people in this world, with different thoughts and emotions, different lives and different stories. Isn't that amazing? Each person has a different story to tell, different things that keep them getting up each morning... 

The world is huge, and the world is beautiful. There are some truly awful things happening around it right now, which I won't go into detail on, as that's not the point of this post, but I believe that despite all of the bad, the fear, and the hatred, people are predominantly good. I try to mostly associate myself with wonderful, kind people, and this works. All those around me that I love are the most wonderful, caring human beings that I would in no way wish to change, or replace. And there are people like that everywhere, if you know where to look, and what to look out for. 
I see so much scapegoating, and finger-pointing, trying to find blame for the state of the world right now. We are protecting ourselves against ourselves... We are all humans, on a planet that is fragile, and I don't understand how people haven't realised this yet... I don't understand how the world works, or the thirst for power that some have... 

I want to explore, and know more about the planet that I call 'home'. There are vast, endless deserts out there, and harsh, violent tundras... Complex, magical rainforests and cities that are bustling with people from the four corners of the earth... It's incredible, and I want to know so much more than I do about the world... 

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess I am trying to say that one person is but a minuscule dot on a map; in the grand scheme of things, I am insignificant, as is what I do. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to do something great. That is no excuse for being a bad person. Like I said, I believe people to be primarily good, yet some see their awful actions as justified... If everyone did, the world would end up in even more chaos.. But, we are good. We know what is right. And little things add up... 

If each of us do our part to be good people, it helps. You'll make someone's day. Smile at them. Be a wonderful human. 

Dottie x

Why Do I Write?

When I was younger, I would spend hours sitting at the computer, in the little 'office' room in my house, and write stories... These stories weren't particularly original, or well written, but I enjoyed it, taking these thoughts in my head, and putting them into little black squiggles that made some sort of sense... I loved to create new people, and these other worlds that I could take myself... Much like reading, I used it as an escape... 
And now, today? I still write. I write my blog, on the odd occasion, I write in my journal things too personal, or complicated to blog, and I write album and gig reviews for Jurassic Press. Each of these things, I enjoy. 

I like journaling, as it is an outlet for all of these thoughts and emotions that get too complicated and tangled inside the cramped space in my own head. Writing everything out on paper helps more than you can imagine. Just focusing on the pen in my hand, and turning the blank page into one filled with these confusing feelings, and expectations, and conclusions is incredibly therapeutic, and something that I need to do more often. 

The enjoyment I find in writing music reviews is so immense that I am definitely considering this as a future university course, and maybe eventually a career path... I did always say that I wanted to be a writer... I feel a sense of pride when my review gets published online, and finding out new ways to describe a band, and summarise a gig, or an album makes me appreciate myself, for finding the words to portray how I experienced a song, or a gig, particularly because sometimes, it can be difficult, and each person experiences things differently.. The second live review I wrote was of Enter Shikari's gig in February. I spent hours in front of my laptop screen, using an online thesaurus, and notes that I'd hastily scribbled down before I fell into bed, exhausted from a day at college, and then standing for hours... (You can check it out by clicking here). I'm particularly proud of those last few sentences that summarise the gig.. 

And finally, this place. My little corner of the Internet, the land of the Teenage Dirtbags, who had punk phases and emo phases, and have no where else to put their thoughts. I write this blog because it gives me a platform, it's essentially my own little soap box, where I can voice the things I don't really know how to talk about. I am so not a talker.. I like seeing how each post I make reaches people in different places, different corners of the world. I like seeing this little place grow, and each comment people make warms my heart and makes me smile, even if I never get round to replying and thanking you. This blog gives me a place where I can show my intelligence (hopefully) and create content that I can be proud of. I've been blogging for a while now, I mean, this place has been going since around December 2014, and I had a different blog for around a year before that. There are still so many things that I don't know, but I hope to learn them, and get somewhere from this tiny little place. 
I enjoy what I do, I love literature, and words, and language. I like to share, and discuss, and see progress. I made this blog, I designed the header, and took photographs, and am starting to see something that I can be proud of. 

I love that. And if you're reading this, I love you; you've taken time out to check out what I do, and see who I am, and read the thoughts in my head. That means a lot, and I am incredibly grateful. 

Thank you. 
- Dottie x

My Summer Reading List

If anyone out there is anything like me, and is obsessed with books, and reading, then you'll know how exciting it is that it's now summer! Because do you know what that means?! Yes, it means I can curl up in various places in my house and garden (including in a bubble bath...) and spend hours getting lost in a book. 

I love reading. It's such a wonderful thing to escape to another place, and to be inside someone else's head for a little while, especially if you're struggling with worries and concerns with your life. I mean, that's definitely not the right way to deal with things such as that, but it means I don't spend hours fretting and getting worked up and ending up in tears.. 

Anyway, I have a few books to read this summer, having borrowed some off my boyfriend, and recently purchased a few new ones (yay!). I thought it would be a nice thing to share these with you, and at some point, let you all know how I got on with them. 
Firstly, I purchased (and read!) How to Build a Girl by Caitlin Moran, which I picked up in a bookstore, and put back down as I didn't have the money to splash out at the time.. (Since when were books £9.00 each?!) I read this over the weekend, from Saturday evening, to about an hour ago.. It was what I would call an 'easy read'; there is only one story line, following the main character and her adventures.. It's set in the '90s, and is very based around music, and the 'coming of age' of a teenage girl. I don't really have an opinion on this book. I can't say it was bad, but I don't think I enjoyed it as much as I have others.. I just kind of read it.. 

Next, I have borrowed (since May!) A Game of Thrones (the first in the Song of Ice and Fire series) from my boyfriend. Apparently it's very good, and I am definitely wanting to jump on the hype train, and see what it's all about. I am going to start this one before I sleep tonight. Yippee!
If anyone didn't know, I quite enjoy Dan Brown's books. I have read The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, and Digital Fortress, and while these are all more complex books with multiple story lines, I enjoyed them, so decided to pick up his latest (well.. 2013) novel, Inferno. I've heard good things about this, and it is based loosely around Dante's Inferno, so I'm excited to read it!
Finally, the last new book I've purchased is Hitman Anders and the Meaning of It All, by Jonas Jonasson. I've not read any of his novels before, but I've seen them around, and been intrigued. This was released in late 2015, and just the word 'hitman' was enough to spark my interest and get me to purchase it. 

Other than these novels already stated, I intend to read the Inheritance Cycle, which Emma has been on at me to read for so long. I really have wanted to read it, but I've struggled to get into the second one, Eldest. The fact that the pages are red does not capture my interest and force me to read it.. I lose interest. Sorry. I will try. 

By this point, I will have read seven (pretty hefty) books, and it will probably be at least October, if not later.. 

I will keep updating this book list, and possibly write mini reviews as I finish novels. 

Let me know what you're reading, I'd love suggestions!
Dottie x

To the Baristas at my Favourite Coffee Shop...

Hi there... Good morning... Sorry, I know, it's almost closing time... 

I'll have a tea/hot chocolate/decaf mocha, please... Oh, I've got a loyalty card, too... Thank you... 

Thank you for being so polite at 8:30 in the morning, when I know no one really wants to be awake... Thank you for being able to work so well in the lunch time rush, and still be smiling when it's 5pm and you've been working for hours. Thank you for not getting mad because I ordered a decaf coffee and you need to wash the coffee thing... 

You work so hard to keep my favourite place, my happy place, tidy and safe, and relaxing. I love the environment there, and appreciate just how hard you have to work, to fuel people for their busy day at work, or to keep them awake after a sleepless night. Thank you for providing a safe refuge for a shy girl who ends up being an hour early for college, and for being so damn lovely... I appreciate you not thinking anything of it when my boyfriend and I almost fall asleep on the comfy couches, or spend 30 minutes past closing time just chatting... We didn't realise closing time was six pm! 

You make some really lovely coffees, and the hot chocolate? So good, and a really relaxing way to start my day... The environment is so peacegul, and that is so important to me. It makes me feel safe... 

I know I've said this a lot in this letter, but I really do want to say thank you for making my morning a little brighter, for helping to calm me after a bad day at college, and for being you, and working so hard at a job that must be difficult.. I really appreciate it.. 

Thank you, 
Dottie x

Sometimes, We All Get Lost...

Sometimes, we all feel uninspired, and trapped in our own minds, unable to find a creative outlet that works for us. I have struggled for a month to know what to write, what people would find entertaining, inspiring, or helpful in any way. I think it's because I haven't felt entertaining or helpful or inspiring myself recently. I've been keeping up with Instagram posts, little snapshots of little moments in each day that made me smile, or made me think, or allowed me to sit back and relax. But for the most part, I've been doing college assignments, or watching Netflix. I couldn't bring myself to finish a book that I was enjoying so much when I started it. I haven't been able to bring myself to play guitar for months... 

I miss it. I miss being able to imagine other worlds, and take myself away to somewhere new... I miss feeling excited when I could finally remember that riff and play it without looking at the tab... I miss having interesting topics to write about, and research to do about backgrounds and cultures and musicians, and whatever else I wrote about... 

I have tried to write numerous posts in the last few months, but nothing really seemed right, or I just couldn't find the words, or the motivation... Even now, writing this, I'm struggling to find the motivation to finish this post... 

I don't know what's been going on, because I've felt fine in day-to-day life, but as soon as it comes to my free time, I seem to just while away hours on social media, or mindlessly watch episode after episode on Netflix... My summer started on Saturday, and guess what I did? Watched Netflix. Again on Sunday. Again yesterday (after work), and today... 

I think everyone goes through periods like this, where everything seems to plateau and no improvements seem to happen. Well, I think that's been my life for a while. I cannot pinpoint the exact time this started, but it was before Christmas... And I really want my life back... I miss getting lost in a book, and spending hours curled up, forgetting to check my phone. Or playing guitar until my hands ached and my fingers were rough... I don't understand what is happening, but I want to be able to do the things that I enjoy without ending up feeling disappointed and full of insecurities about it... 

Since my summer has officially begun, I am going to try to get my mojo back, and start to enjoy things again... I don't know how that's going to happen, but hopefully it does... 

Sorry for the break, hopefully I'll be back soon... 

Dottie x