Anxiety??

Before I start this post, I would like to say that I have not been professionally diagnosed with any sort of anxiety. I merely feel that I can identify with some of the aspects/symptoms of social anxiety. I am not claiming to have a mental illness, I am explaining how I feel. 

I was inspired to make this post by this video here, you should check it out. 

Okay, so I'd like to start by talking about what social anxiety is. It is defined as being an anxiety disorder in which a person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. Anxiety (intense nervousness) and self-consciousness arise from a fear of being closely watched, judged, and criticized by others. (cheers, Google). 

For me, I do not generally fear social situations, if they are small, and I either know the people really well, or I never have to see the person again. I can also cope when there are enough people that I can go unnoticed. However, a classroom situation, for example, scares me. I don't feel comfortable in classrooms, especially if I have to talk in front of, or present to, the class. It makes me sweat (yuck!), my face will flush, I stumble over words, and I shake. I've done a few presentations over the years, and all of them involve me rushing, shaking and afterwards, I feel tired, as though I've done something that has caused adrenaline to rush through my body. This all could be normal, but it doesn't seem to be. 

A few years ago, when I went back to school after summer, I would feel really anxious in classrooms, and used to bounce my leg all of the time, as it helped to calm me down. I still panic when the teacher says they're looking for a volunteer to answer a question.. 

Another example of feeling anxious in social situations is where I used to work. It was a cafe, that got incredibly busy during lunch hours. I didn't feel confident talking to people, and I was unsure of how things worked, so I didn't feel confident. This, in turn, affected my customer service, because I was panicking as I didn't want to mess anything up. Anyway, after making a few mistakes, I got really anxious about going in, I actually felt physically sick because I was so worried, and any time a customer walked in, I would feel butterflies in my stomach, and shake. If I had to serve them, I would mumble and talk really quietly. Even thinking about going in to work scared me. Which is why I don't work there any more. 

The thing that confuses me about social anxiety though, is that I could just be shy. I've always been very introverted, and never any good at talking to people, however, I feel as though it has gotten worse. I used to be able to order food in a restaurant, but now I get other people to do it for me, as I worry that I talk too quietly, and fear getting asked to repeat myself. I don't go to parties, and sometimes make excuses to not hang out with people, especially my band (sorry, guys!). 

I don't know when this anxiety thing began, and I'm not too sure what to do about it. I'd really love to be a confident, chatty person, but I don't feel that I can be. I go to gigs, and I always tell myself that I'll introduce myself to someone, but I usually don't. Small talk scares me. I am the worst at small talk, because I panic and never know what to say. 

I'd like to end this post by saying that, if you know someone with any kind of anxiety, look after them. Do not pressure them into something they don't feel comfortable doing, because you will make it worse. If they want to do it, they will. And, if they ask you to order their food, or buy something for them, you do it. 
I've never personally had an anxiety attack (that I know of.. I was at a gig the other week and got pulled out because I couldn't breathe and felt faint. The owner of the club suggested it was a panic attack, but I didn't feel that panicked?), but don't push someone towards that. I cannot imagine how awful it must be. 

Look after people with anxiety.
Look after people, and look after yourself. 
- Dottie.