I'm Worried...

It is my results day a week tomorrow (20th). If you don't know what a results day us, it's where you go to school to collect the results of your exams. And I'm worried.

You know in school you have that one really smart kid that gets really good grades without really trying? Well, I don't want to brag, but I think that's me. I didn't think too much about revising for my exams until a week before my first exam.. So I didn't have nearly enough time to revise thoroughly for each of my twelve (!!!!) subjects, which I will list here, for anyone interested:

• English Language
• English Literature
• Art and Design (Fine Art) 
• French
• Biology
• Chemistry
• Physics
• Maths
• History
• Geography
• Religious Studies (RS/RE)
• ICT

 I did my ICT exam in January, so I only had to revise for 11 subjects, but each one had more than one exam paper.. I sat 23 exam papers in a month and a half. It got to the point that I was revising for the exam, the night before the exam, right up until about 9 or 10 at night. I think it's fair to say that I was very stressed.. But I didn't let it beat me!! The worst week for me was when I had 8 exams, 4 of which were on the same day!! Although, I also did go to three gigs that week... Oops... I was exhausted after my exams finished. 

Anyway, I'm worried about results day because I feel as though everyone expects me to ace my exams, and get the top grades.. I don't think that will happen, because I didn't put enough work in, and kind of gave up and stopped caring.. Growing up, I've always been the smart, nerdy kid, and people have gotten used to that. So, I’m not worried about my grades, I’m confident that I’ve done enough to do my college course, but I’m worried about not living up to peoples’ expectations of me.

There is one girl in my school, who I won’t name, but she always seems to be very competitive about grades, she always seems to want to be the best. Anytime we did a mock exam, she’d ask me “Oh, what did you get Dot?” and always seem disappointed when I said something like “Oh, I got 47 out of 60, which is an A*”.. Like, I can’t help it.. So I’m concerned that people’s opinions of me will change because I won’t get the grades they expect me to..

I am also really worried about my English Literature grade, because in December we did mock exams, and I got a C. I think I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I didn’t have a proper English teacher anymore, which I think was the reason for my C, because finally my papers were marked properly, instead of me being told I was at an A*, when I wasn’t. But no one worked on those grades with us. My stand-in teacher tried to teach us about English Language, which we’d all done, and aced.. So all I can hope for is a pass grade for English..

Then there is Chemistry.. When I did papers 2 and 3, I could have cried. I struggled with them a lot and I rushed them because I thought everyone else had finished. Well done, me. I also didn't really revise for them. I actually forget how terrible these two papers were because I saw Hoobastank, P.O.D. and Alien Ant Farm (punk/rock bands from 2001) that evening, and had a lot of fun talking to a cute/possibly high guy who was in love with Alien Ant Farm and dancing and singing my heart out to Hoobastank.. ♥

But, I guess, I shouldn't be worried. I know that my exam results do not equal my worth and all that, but all of my life I've been taught that in order to get into uni I need good grades, I need good grades to get a good job.. But will that make me happy? 

It's why I'm doing music tech at college (UK, sixth form) in September.. I want to do something that I've never done before, something that, hopefully, I won't be naturally good at. For once in my life, I want to do something that I want to do, and that I'll enjoy, and something that I will learn and get better at. I want to put effort into something for once. And for that I am very excited! 

So, hopefully I'll have done well at my exams, and can start college.. And if not, I'll probably go to a festival and try to get a band to adopt me and be a roadie for them..

- Dottie.