It's been a while. It's weird typing on a new keyboard... I keep making typos.
I want to write. What I want to write, I couldn't tell you. I feel stuck in a rut, unable to explain myself properly or put things into words. Hell, I'm even forgetting words.
Maybe I'm not as cut out for this as I thought I was?
Big changes are happening. Big changes have been happening in all of the time I've been absent. I feel like I'm returning to a dusty room full of notes and memos and lists... That's what my blog, this place that I worked so hard to create, has become.
I haven't not been writing - just writing different things. Or trying, at least. I've been contributing to some music sites/blogs with some reviews and such. It's been a dream... But I don't feel entertaining, I don't feel my personality coming across and it just doesn't feel me... Or good, if I'm honest. Reading back the things I've written, they're average. Not great, not cutting edge.Now I know we are our own worst critic/enemy/downfall but still... I literally just have a lack of words... So why do I call myself a "writer"? I don't do cool things, I don't put effort in... Or it doesn't feel like it in this second.
Why the hell do I think I'm going to survive getting a degree in journalism?! Wish me bloody luck there! I don't even know why I'm writing these thoughts down. I guess in the hopes that someone will find them? Who even knows? What I do know is that writing helps - it's the advice everyone gives me when I'm stuck in an emotionless rut so why not give it a go? Chuck a pretty picture alongside the forlorn words and call it art or something, why not?!
I'm not a journalist, I'm certainly no blogger... So what the hell am I, other than a lonely human searching for comfort and a release from these immobilising thoughts? How do we stop critiquing ourselves? If you find out... Let me know.
First off, hello friendf! Its great to see you pop back onto your blog!
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about my writing voice the other day as well and wondering if I sounded interesting as a writer and so on. Then I started being a critic to myself. It happens so easily.
If you keep trying you'll make it .(: Quit and you'll never know.
Thank you V! I think sometimes it can be easier for life to get on top of us and we bury our heads in the sand! I'm hopefully not a quitter and will take your advice and just keep on trying! :)
DeleteI definitely struggle with being my own worst critic, you're not the only one! As someone who majored in journalism and made it out on the other side, I think that letting yourself write whatever you're feeling (in a journal, on a blog, etc.) is important. One thing I learned in creative writing class in college (and in life lol) is that sometimes you have to allow yourself to write WHATEVER - even if you think it's garbage. Even if it's demoralizing, it helps you get to the good writing, what you really want to say. Another thing I learned is that you can't compare your work to what others are doing. It has to feel real and authentic to you, your voice. I haven't completely conquered my own critic but focusing on my own unique voice and perspective (that no one else has) helps. :) <3
ReplyDeleteAh goodness me this is brilliant advice, thank you so much! I think sometimes it can be easy to forget that I'm only just starting out on my journey, so of course it's going to be difficult! Do you have any advice for surviving university??
DeleteNo problem, I'm glad it helped! :) YES, it is tricky when you're beginning for sure. There were definitely times when I sat in my freshman creative writing class wishing my stories sounded like another writer's, or just better in general. But it takes time, and college/learning/reading is how you hone your craft! :)
DeleteUniversity can be tough, so definitely pay attention to the basics first - are you getting enough sleep, water, food, etc. Those things can oddly go by the wayside when you're studying! But beyond that, connect with your professors because they want to help you. And definitely pay attention to the large picture - one bad assignment or project or difficult class won't matter in the long run. :) <3