To the Baristas at my Favourite Coffee Shop...

Hi there... Good morning... Sorry, I know, it's almost closing time... 

I'll have a tea/hot chocolate/decaf mocha, please... Oh, I've got a loyalty card, too... Thank you... 

Thank you for being so polite at 8:30 in the morning, when I know no one really wants to be awake... Thank you for being able to work so well in the lunch time rush, and still be smiling when it's 5pm and you've been working for hours. Thank you for not getting mad because I ordered a decaf coffee and you need to wash the coffee thing... 

You work so hard to keep my favourite place, my happy place, tidy and safe, and relaxing. I love the environment there, and appreciate just how hard you have to work, to fuel people for their busy day at work, or to keep them awake after a sleepless night. Thank you for providing a safe refuge for a shy girl who ends up being an hour early for college, and for being so damn lovely... I appreciate you not thinking anything of it when my boyfriend and I almost fall asleep on the comfy couches, or spend 30 minutes past closing time just chatting... We didn't realise closing time was six pm! 

You make some really lovely coffees, and the hot chocolate? So good, and a really relaxing way to start my day... The environment is so peacegul, and that is so important to me. It makes me feel safe... 

I know I've said this a lot in this letter, but I really do want to say thank you for making my morning a little brighter, for helping to calm me after a bad day at college, and for being you, and working so hard at a job that must be difficult.. I really appreciate it.. 

Thank you, 
Dottie x

Sometimes, We All Get Lost...

Sometimes, we all feel uninspired, and trapped in our own minds, unable to find a creative outlet that works for us. I have struggled for a month to know what to write, what people would find entertaining, inspiring, or helpful in any way. I think it's because I haven't felt entertaining or helpful or inspiring myself recently. I've been keeping up with Instagram posts, little snapshots of little moments in each day that made me smile, or made me think, or allowed me to sit back and relax. But for the most part, I've been doing college assignments, or watching Netflix. I couldn't bring myself to finish a book that I was enjoying so much when I started it. I haven't been able to bring myself to play guitar for months... 

I miss it. I miss being able to imagine other worlds, and take myself away to somewhere new... I miss feeling excited when I could finally remember that riff and play it without looking at the tab... I miss having interesting topics to write about, and research to do about backgrounds and cultures and musicians, and whatever else I wrote about... 

I have tried to write numerous posts in the last few months, but nothing really seemed right, or I just couldn't find the words, or the motivation... Even now, writing this, I'm struggling to find the motivation to finish this post... 

I don't know what's been going on, because I've felt fine in day-to-day life, but as soon as it comes to my free time, I seem to just while away hours on social media, or mindlessly watch episode after episode on Netflix... My summer started on Saturday, and guess what I did? Watched Netflix. Again on Sunday. Again yesterday (after work), and today... 

I think everyone goes through periods like this, where everything seems to plateau and no improvements seem to happen. Well, I think that's been my life for a while. I cannot pinpoint the exact time this started, but it was before Christmas... And I really want my life back... I miss getting lost in a book, and spending hours curled up, forgetting to check my phone. Or playing guitar until my hands ached and my fingers were rough... I don't understand what is happening, but I want to be able to do the things that I enjoy without ending up feeling disappointed and full of insecurities about it... 

Since my summer has officially begun, I am going to try to get my mojo back, and start to enjoy things again... I don't know how that's going to happen, but hopefully it does... 

Sorry for the break, hopefully I'll be back soon... 

Dottie x

My Thoughts on the EU Referendum

Before I begin this post, I would like to state that all I have written is my own opinion, and is not to be taken as fact. Furthermore, I am not as educated on this as others may be, so if I have made any mistakes, please politely point them out to me, instead of attacking me. Cool. 

If you are living in the UK, or possibly even in Europe, you have probably heard that there is going to be a vote regarding the UK leaving the European Union. This vote came about after our Prime Minister, David Cameron, was kind of pressured into promising the vote, by members of his own party. Since then, he has been holding talks with various EU leaders, to attempt to change our terms of being in the EU, or something along those lines. 

Now, the UK faces a vote, due to take place on June 23rd, regarding our membership in the European Union. If you live in the UK, and are aged 18, or over, please register to vote before June 7th, because it's our future that will change!! 

So that is a little bit of (poorly understood, and written) background on the situation in this country at the moment, and now I can begin to write my thoughts on the subject... 

When I first heard about how we might be leaving the EU, my thoughts immediately went to trade, and the impact this would have on us. It would make trading with other countries more difficult, and also might discourage other countries from wanting to trade with us. This, in turn, could impact jobs. If the trade rates fall, people are going to be made redundant, to avoid making expenses rise above the necessary. 

If people are losing their jobs, then they will be spending less on items that aren't necessary - such as movies, and music, so other industries will be impacted, meaning more jobs lost, less money going into the economy, everything gets messed up... Possibly. 

Being a member of the European Union means that citizens of other member countries can live and work within the UK, and UK citizens can live and work within the EU with very little difficulty. In fact, around 5.5 million British people live permanently abroad. So why shouldn't members of other countries be able to live abroad? 

Being in the EU leads to diversity within our country, which, I believe, is both perfectly acceptable, and something that needs to happen. So many people are racist, and these people are shouting louder than anyone else in this debate. People are people, no matter the colour of their skin, and they should have the same freedom as us privileged white people. It's important to not only understand, but accept, other cultures, and staying in the EU will help this to be achieved.  

The final point I wish to make on this topic is that if we leave the EU, we can't predict our future. The safety of many jobs, but particularly those in trade, and the like, cannot be confirmed. We do not know what is going to happen to our little country in the next twenty years if the majority vote "leave". We will likely have fewer allies in the event of war, and we are only a tiny island. 

Whereas, if we stay in the EU, we can predict the affairs of the country for the next twenty years, jobs are more likely to be safe, we can travel within the European Union pretty easily... If we leave, we're going into the future blind. We don't even have a decent plan for leaving, and knowing the way the UK government handles certain things, they will probably mess it up. However, that, my friends, is a story for another day. 

So, if I were a year older, I would be voting "stay". 

In the (somewhat inappropriate) words of my boyfriend... The EU is sexy and I like being in her. 

 

So there we go. Why I think the UK should remain a member of the European Union. What do you think?

- Dottie x

Hugs Are Weird????

Hello all! I am back with a funny/weird/interesting story for you all! I'm kind of part freaked out by this, and partly just laughing at it all, so see what you think... 

It all started when I went to a gig on Thursday night. I headed to my favourite gig venue to see my pals in Dead! support the Aussie band, Hands Like Houses. I got there a bit before doors, so stood in the queue, and this super-loud, really chatty girl and her friend ended up stood a few people behind me. Which is totally cool, just overly-loud people annoy me a little. But whatever, there were some really bitchy girls there, that looked down their nose at me.. I don't really know why, but they were all there in little shorts and lots of makeup, which is cool, do your thing, just don't look at me rudely because I'm there wearing my pals' band's tee and a tiny tad of eyeliner. 

So anyway, into the gig venue I went, the first band came on and did their stuff (and they were really good!), and left the stage again. Then, my friends in Dead! came on stage, and basically created chaos... The good kind, but they were utter chaos and loud noises and a brilliant performance. I was second row, minding my own business, singing along, and then the chatty girl from the queue is back, and she is drunk. Which, again, that's cool, drink if you wanna, have a good time.. Just don't spill your alcohol on my shoes like she did... And be obnoxiously loud while an awesome band is on stage.. But whatever, she was dancing along behind me, obviously having a good time, and I couldn't help but smile at her a bit, because she was just so happy, and it was a lovely thing to see.. 

After my friends played their set, she went off again, presumably to the bar, and the third band came on, played their set and left. By this time, I was getting tired, as I'm out of practice with the whole going to gigs thing.. But anyway, the headline band, Hands Like Houses came on stage, and started playing their songs. 
About two thirds of the way through their set, chatty drunk girl is back, dancing like a maniac, and I am just smiling so much at her, because she is just having such a good time, and she clearly loves this band. Then, the couple in front of me decide to leave, probably for a lift or a train, because Hands Like Houses are playing a longer set than they should have.. Oops.. So instead of taking their place, I tapped chatty drunk on the shoulder, and pointed at the space in front of me, and let her be at the front to watch this band she adores. She seemed so happy!

Then, since Hands Like Houses were pretty heavy, and there was a kind-of pit, I moved along to let a girl who looked uncomfortable with the pushing and shoving stand in a safer place next to me. Cool.. Then the band started playing their final song, and everything was suddenly hectic, and everyone was pushing, and shoving, and yelling the song lyrics, and it's so much fun. Then out of nowhere, drunk girl grabs me and lets me stand in the space where her friend was, before he went to join the pit, and that moment was just great, with drunk girl's arm around me like we're best buds, and the delicate girl next me, and the three of us are sweaty as heck and just yelling along with the five dudes on stage and that moment was brilliant... 

And then it gets weird... 

Before she goes off, chatty drunk girl thanks me for letting her stand at the front, and tells me I'm awesome, and then she hugs me. And that's cool, because she's drunk, and such a laugh and she clearly had fun, but the kiss on the cheek was probably a tad over the top... But whatever, she's drunk. And her buddy appears then, and is just like "high fives, girl! Yeah!!" and he high-fived me, which is fine, he seems cool. And off they go. 
Then, as I'm standing around looking for my friends in Dead!, delicate girl starts talking to me, which is fine, she was super lovely, but I wanted to go see my pals, and I'm tired, so I was terrible at conversation.. Then I go to walk away, after saying bye, and she hugs me too. What?! Where did this come from?! Am I just huggable or something?! I do not understand. I do not understand. You are a stranger, and a sober one at that, why are you hugging me?!?! 

After I buy merch and have a chat to my kind-of friend in Dead!, I go and say hey to my other friend, just because every time I see them, we always have a bit of a chat, because he's funny and really nice... And we do the "Hey man, how are you?!" thing, and then he just kind of put his arm out, and kind of quietly says "let's do the hug-thing, let's hug-thing"... There's me just completely confused as fuck, and I say "oh, okay" and awkwardly one-arm hug him back, because where did that come from, he's only hugged me once, he literally never hugs me, we aren't even that close... But hey-ho, I got hugged. By three people. At one gig. And two of them were strangers. And the third was almost a stranger.. We're sort of friends, we know each other's faces, and are Facebook friends...

But WHAT?!! Hugs are so weird, and I don't think I'm one of those people that loves hugs any more... It was just strange... 

And to top it off, I saw a dude that I spoke a tiny amount at a gig in February... I completely forgot he existed, and then he was just there. It was all very odd, and I just kind of didn't really realise what was going on until I got home.. Then it was just "what the fuck?!". 

So yes, gigs are weird places where people are most definitely over-friendly, and people you only know a little will randomly hug you and be weird. I still love those Dead! guys though... 

My night was strange! 
Cool! 
Bye! 
- Dottie x

What's In My Bag?

I have been meaning to write this post for about as long as I've been meaning to clean out my bag, which if you're wondering, has been a good couple of months. Before I begin writing, I would like to apologise for the quality of the photos, the lighting isn't very good... 

I should probably start by showing you my bag, and telling you where I got it. So, here it is: 

It's from Topshop, and cost me £28.00, with student discount. There were lots of different colours, including black, mustard yellow, and khaki, the one that I have. I use it for everyday use, and while it isn't real leather, it's lasted since January (with a lot of abuse!), so I would recommend it! I am not sure if it's still available online, but if you pop into your local branch, you may be able to find it in the sale. 
I have found that there is definitely enough room for everything I need, without it being too big, or too small. So that's definitely a plus. 

I'm going to jump right in to showing you what I have in my bag now..And nothing has been skipped because I didn't want it to be shown. This is what a real teenager has in her bag... 

In the small pocket on the front, I have... 

My 'first aid kit' containing plasters (I wear Docs...), a hair tie, hair grips, painkillers, and some cotton buds, in case my eye makeup smudges. I take this is pretty much whatever bag I have with me, I just take it out and pop it into another one. It's just pretty useful to have with me, and it keeps all of the little things that usually get lost all in one place. (I did get a photo of this, but I accidentally deleted it. Whoops.)  

A phone charger because we work on computers in college, so if I need to, I can charge my phone. No big deal, and pretty self-explanatory, too. 

A hand mirror, lip balm, and a nude lipstick because I like lip products.. And I don't really wear lipstick unless I find it in my bag.. It's a really nice shimmery nude, by L'Oreal, and Emma got it for me for Christmas. Thanks, buddy! The hand mirror is really cool, it has a magnifying side, and it's a pretty good size. It's quite useful to have around. 

A nail file, and a blue pen because they are useful things to have with you; people always ask for pens, and nail files, so it just makes life easier to carry them around with you. The nail file is from Superdrug, and is nothing special, but also pretty good.

In the big pocket, I have... 

My purse and an umbrella. My purse goes basically everywhere with me, and is from Accessorize. I got it for my birthday in October, and I don't think they sell them any more. I keep cash, coins, cards, and my driving license inside, so basically, usual purse stuff. Please don't steal it. The umbrella was a Christmas present from ages ago, and only really lives in my bag during bad weather. Not sure why it's in there right now...

As well as taking my purse basically everywhere, I also take my college ID with me. It entitles me to get discounted bus fares, and discounts in some shops and stuff. Pretty neat.

Gum, and polo mints, because I had a problem with chewing gum at one point, and I never got round to chewing all of the pieces in the bottle. And the mints are there because they taste nice.

Hairbrush, body spray, hand sanitizer, and an inhaler. Personal appearance, no B.O., and having clean hands are important things. I carry these things around as a 'just incase' thing, like if I'm having a bad hair day and need to tie it back, or I had to run for the bus and don't want to smell bad.. Or there's no soap or something when I need to wash my hands... The inhaler is there because I used to have asthma, and I just feel a little better knowing that I have it with me. 

Mini Jammie Dodgers in case I get hungry.. But they've been in my bag for ages and I haven't eaten them... Oops. 

Fifteen bus tickets and a couple of receipts. I get the bus to and from college, and bus tickets end up either in my back pocket, or in my bag. There may even be a couple in my purse... I'm pretty sure everyone just chucks random pieces of paper in their bags, so this isn't that big of a deal... 

And finally, in the little zip-up pocket, I have... 

Lady items. Enough said. 

I also carry my iPod, earphones, and my phone in my bag, but obviously they're not in there when I'm not out and about. 

I hope this was an interesting insight into my personality and my life and stuff?

See you around!

Love, 

Dottie x

I Am Fuelled By Coffee (Shops)

For the past few months, I have been spending an awful lot of time (and money!) in coffee shops. This is to avoid hanging out at college for the best part of an hour some days, before my lessons begin. Cheers buses...

This has resulted in two things. Firstly, my spending an awful lot of money, and using too much of my mobile data... And secondly, my better understanding how my mind relaxes, and how best to start my day. 

I adore the atmosphere of Coffee #1, the coffee shop I visit literally all of the time. It never really gets busy, and even if it is busy, it's never loud. There are some really squishy, comfy sofas, which are perfect for cuddling up with a significant other, in case you were wondering. All of the chairs and tables are mismatched, and yet it all works so perfectly. The walls are made from reclaimed bricks, or painted in a muted burgundy red.. It creates a wonderfully tranquil atmosphere, and the vibes are just perfect. 

I cannot work out why, but starting the day with a coffee, or pot of tea just puts me in a good mindset, and the right mood for just life in general. I know that it's not even the caffeine that does it for me; I drink decaf coffee, and the tannins in tea prevent the caffeine from being released in the same way as in coffee. My morning coffee shop visits are definitely more of a relaxing experience than a 'wake up' thing, and I love it. 

It is way better when I'm not on my own, though... 

I think that it's important to find what works to help you relax, and you shouldn't be afraid to treat yourself once in a while! I mean, I do spend a lot in coffee shops now, because I have three or four coffees in a week, which is around £10.. Which, fuck, I have just released is way too much to be spending on coffee. Ouch. I need to get me a job...

But despite that painful figure, it is definitely helping my mental health, because I feel less anxious and stressed about going to college, and I actually quite look forward to it!

If you want to be updated on my coffee journey, you should definitely follow my Instagram. In fact, do it even if you don't care about coffee. I like Instagram and I need likes to fuel my ego. Check it out here. 

Cool. 

Bye for now, pals. 

- Dottie x

The Road to Body Positivity...

There is a difference between being vain and loving yourself. 

Self love is defined as a "regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic quality)" . 
This means that loving yourself is 

1. Not something to be ashamed of
2. Something that others may find attractive
3. Something that is important for your well-being and general happiness. 

Basically, if you are not happy with the body that you have, you will find that this unhappiness may appear elsewhere too. ("We accept the love we think we deserve"). 

I saw this adorable little cartoon-type drawing about self love on my Instagram feed the other day:

I made it extra-large because it is very important for you to see and to read. (also credit to Beth Evans, who drew this). 

Self love is difficult. Everyone struggles sometimes, we all have days where we look in the mirror and wish that we could change this, or shrink that. I am going to talk about myself now, because that's the only way I really know how to explain what I'm trying to say. 

Okay. So. I am a UK size 10, which is a size 8 in the US, or a 38/36 in Europe, depending on where you're from. According to a 2013 news article I found (basically the following info is outdated and possibly now incorrect), the average women living in the UK is 5 foot 3 inches tall, weighs 11 stone (70.2 kg), and wears a size 16. 

To compare, I am 5 foot 6 inches tall, weigh around 60kg (around 9.5 stone), and wear a size 10. This means that I am below average. This could mean that my body is seen as desirable, I do not know. 

I still struggle with insecurities. I know that in today's society, many people see being slim as being attractive. That's the way it is. Skinny = pretty. Not true. And for the record, I'm not skinny, more curvy, I guess? There is a thing called 'thin privilege', however, and if you haven't heard of it, please check this out before you continue to read here. 

So yes, I may be 'lucky' because of my size, but that does not always equate to happy. 

I struggle sometimes with self love. I spend too long looking in the mirror, trying to erase any imperfections that I deem unacceptable. And I am going to talk about them. Not because I want people to tell me that my self-perceived flaws aren't even flaws at all, but to show you reading this that body positivity and self love is possible, despite seeing flaws and hating parts of your body. 

So, let's list 'em... Firstly, I feel that my legs are too big, and not toned enough. I don't like my knees. I have poor circulation, so my legs are kinda weird in that poor circulation way. My hands and feet are really quite small. I get lots of spots on my back. My belly has a little layer of fat on it, and my belly bloats a lil around the time of my period. Speaking of which, around the same time, I get huge, gross red spots on my chin. Not attractive. I wear glasses, I don't like my nose. I have hooded eyes, and I can't do winged eyeliner. 

Notice that I went from stating an opinion on my body, to talking about it like it was fact. It's not fact that spots are unattractive. It's what, for some reason, my brain has come to believe. I struggle with being body positive, but I don't let it hold me back. 

I wore a crop top to college the other week. I have purchased a few tops that reveal skin, such as my shoulders and my back. I wore a skirt to college just the other day, and I was proud of the fact that I thought it looked really nice. Yes, that's right, I wore a skirt, despite not liking my legs. And guess what? No one commented, I had no reason to feel insecure, and I even had a moment where I looked in the mirror and thought "actually, my legs look pretty good". 

Understandably, it's difficult to feel body positive at certain times of the month, and it's okay to have what could be called a 'relapse', or a bad day. Hell, there are still days where I want to wear the biggest band tee I own because I don't like the way that my stomach looks. 

But, despite any insecurities that I may have, I still have body positive days. I have days when I am less positive.. But I still try, and make an effort, and sometimes, finding the perfect top makes me feel a million dollars, and helps me to love myself. 

Basically, I tried to expand on what the cartoon was showing. I hope it was okay? 

Basically, being body positive is difficult, and we all have lots of insecurities, or things we don't like about our bodies. We should not let those things stop us from loving ourselves, and the vessels in which we will travel the earth. 

Okay. Cool. 

Hope this made sense. 

Bye for now!
- Dottie x