Monday, 24 September 2018

Close

things are feeling just a little bit weird at the moment; things lack a certain closeness that i've previously only found within my little family. 

there are laughs, giggles, and heart-to-hearts, everything happy and bubbly and yet... superficial. these people that i have chanced upon have similarities and the same wants, needs, and likes but there is something there, a barrier that prevents us being close. 

there's a physical need for comfort
for a hug
a hand to hold.
not romantically, as wonderful as that is. 

Comfort.

i long for those quiet intimate spaces
another person at the end of the phone
at 2am,
voices soft, laughter hushed. 

the quiet as you fall asleep
miles apart but feeling closer than ever before. 


I long for those miles to be reduced
to millimetres,
to hear those whispers
accompanied by your breath in my ear.

i want to be held
i want to be
close.

Sunday, 16 September 2018

things fall
                   a
                     p
                       a
                         r
                           t.

and i feel like i'm constantly and consistently trying to piece myself back together
whilst everything is still falling

lost

i am lost

unsure of the things around me

weighed down under the colossal mass of things i cannot control


why does everything have to change
why does everything have to hurt and why, just why
do i feel everything and
nothing at all?

Saturday, 15 September 2018

The Urge to Write/Ramble

Hello

It's been a while. It's weird typing on a new keyboard... I keep making typos.

I want to write. What I want to write, I couldn't tell you. I feel stuck in a rut, unable to explain myself properly or put things into words. Hell, I'm even forgetting words.

Maybe I'm not as cut out for this as I thought I was?

Big changes are happening. Big changes have been happening in all of the time I've been absent. I feel like I'm returning to a dusty room full of notes and memos and lists... That's what my blog, this place that I worked so hard to create, has become.

I haven't not been writing - just writing different things. Or trying, at least. I've been contributing to some music sites/blogs with some reviews and such. It's been a dream... But I don't feel entertaining, I don't feel my personality coming across and it just doesn't feel me... Or good, if I'm honest. Reading back the things I've written, they're average. Not great, not cutting edge.

Now I know we are our own worst critic/enemy/downfall but still... I literally just have a lack of words... So why do I call myself a "writer"? I don't do cool things, I don't put effort in... Or it doesn't feel like it in this second.

Why the hell do I think I'm going to survive getting a degree in journalism?! Wish me bloody luck there! I don't even know why I'm writing these thoughts down. I guess in the hopes that someone will find them? Who even knows? What I do know is that writing helps - it's the advice everyone gives me when I'm stuck in an emotionless rut so why not give it a go? Chuck a pretty picture alongside the forlorn words and call it art or something, why not?!

I'm not a journalist, I'm certainly no blogger... So what the hell am I, other than a lonely human searching for comfort and a release from these immobilising thoughts? How do we stop critiquing ourselves? If you find out... Let me know.

Thursday, 14 June 2018

Rainy June Playlist

I woke up this morning to grey clouds, sodden grounds, and a lower temperature than I like. I never quite know how to be on rainy days; I want to fill my time with productive things, but at the same time I want to curl up with tea, a good book, or just watch the rain make puddles ripple. 

Today's weather is weird. It's so sunny, but the rain is threatening to fall. It's strange. So today, I've made some butterscotch biscuits, and a playlist to listen to on other future rainy days. I implore you to curl up next to a big window with some tea and some headphones and listen. Just listen and be for a little bit.

Some of the songs mean a lot to me, such as 'Machines' and 'God Only Knows'. Others I think are simply stunning. Each one tells a story and is just perfect for a relaxed, cosy day. 


So enjoy it here...

Friday, 1 June 2018

Happy New.... Something?

Goodness me, it's June. And 2018. And it's been a long while since I've done this. So here's what I'm up to now...

Right this second I'm listening to Biffy Clyro's MTV Unplugged album. Possibly a review coming on that? This week I have been reading lots, sleeping lots, and having a break from work. I've also seen Solo: A Star Wars Story twice. 

Now for life in general... I'm still working in a builders merchants. My hours fluctuate - sometimes I'm there full time, others I work twelve hours a week. This leads to all sorts of issues with routine and not feeling mentally brilliant but I'm trying to see friends and keep busy when I'm not working. 
I'm also writing for two music publications. It's all online, but it's a brilliant experience and some really awesome stuff has happened since September, including seeing The Wombats with a press pass, and being sent the new Snow Patrol album by a PR company! (Also related to this - I travelled 120 miles to see one of my favourite bands play their biggest ever headline show. Maybe more on that if you're interested?)

I'm going to be heading to university in September to study Journalism and Publishing. It's so exciting but terrifying at the same time. I'm definitely ready to learn some new things, meet some new people, and to start becoming much more independent. But at the same time, I really don't want to move away from all of my friends and family, and I'm dreading living with - and sharing a kitchen with!!! - nine other strangers. 

So there we are. That somewhat brings us to today, where I've been to town, cut myself while shaving, and watched The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt for hours. It's going well. 

I guess I have hopes of resurrecting this blog, and of becoming more productive and determined to create good habits and routines. I don't want to promise too much, because I do tend to drop it all when things get overwhelming but we'll see how it goes. 

Love to you all 

- Dottie x

Friday, 17 November 2017

BOOK REVIEW: Secrets for the Mad (Dodie)

"When I feel like I'm going mad I write.
A lot of my worst fears have come true; fears that felt so big I could barely hold them in my head. I was convinced when they happened the world would end.

But the world didn't end. In fact, it pushed on and demanded to keep spinning through all sorts of mayhem, and I got through it.And because I persisted, I learned lessons about how to be a stronger, kinder, better human - lessons you can only learn by going through these sorts of things.

This is for the people with minds that just don't stop; for those who feel everything a thousand times more than others around them.

Here are some words I wrote." 

Dodie, or doddleoddle is a musician, songwriter, YouTube personality, and she writes. 'Secrets for the Mad' is a beautiful book, a collection of thoughts and photos, lyrics and words, and some truly stunning artwork. 

So this book is split into a few sections - 'my bad brain', 'obsessions', 'confessions', and 'life lessons'. Now I'll be the first to admit that reading about mental health is hard, especially if it's something you struggle with. But Dodie has written about it in a hopeful way, which is tricky to do if you feel as though you're stuck at the bottom of a well. She's included her darkest moments, but also how she's gotten through them - with her list of small but important things, and her friends and family. As someone who sometimes struggles with getting lost in my own mind, the fact that I can do something small like writing a list of happy things that could really help is a wonderful bit of information. 

In 'obsessions', we learn of Dodie's struggle with food, with alcohol, and makeup, as well as more. I think for younger people to see how damaging the media and social networking sites can be - we're all encouraged to be happy, to be skinny and this chapter just perfectly highlights these issues. It can't have been easy to write about these things, and it was tough to read about them, but as I've already mentioned, it's important. 

'Confessions' speaks of love and heartbreak, abusive relationships and how to process and deal with these. It was insanely difficult for me to read about these, having just gone through a break-up myself, but it was helpful to see someone else's perspective of the emotions and confusion I've been feeling. Loving is a part of life and to open up about the things in this section must have been incredibly hard. But again, it's processing, it's healing and I really respect Dodie for doing this. 

And finally, 'life lessons', what would we do without them? Learn how to cook with Daniel J Layton, find out that why you should understand and embrace your sexuality, and how families can change and recover from what they once were. This is, in my opinion, the most important section of this book because it highlights just how much a person can grow and learn from everything in their life. For someone only just in their 20s, Dodie knows so much and while she still struggles with things sometimes, I think she's someone for younger girls to look up to - she's kind, she's caring and she understands what it is to grow up. 

So yes, if you want to be inside the head of someone who doesn't understand what they're thinking, definitely pick up this book. It's emotional, but you'll fall in love with it. 

- Dottie x

Wednesday, 18 October 2017

Autumn Hair and Skincare ♥

Hey all, 

With the colder months starting to creep up on us, it's about time to start switching up our hair and skincare routines to ensure we stay nice and soft and supple, hahah!
So, I'm going to divide this post up into a few sections: hair. face, and body. It basically makes it a bit easier for you to read and understand, and a lot easier for me to write! 


Hair

Shampoo and Conditioner: Sometimes with hair care products, I just use what my mum buys, so that can be anything from Herbal Essences to the (really nice!) Alberto Balsam range from Tesco. But, my favourites are as follows: 
Dove Intensive Repair shampoo and conditioner - great for heat-styled hair, it leaves your hair soft and shiny and smelling great.
Lush Daddy-O shampoo - smells amazing, again soft and shiny hair, and it also makes your blondes look blonder. Win-win!
Lush Fun - it's got a Play-Doh consistency, but it leaves a lovely sweet smell in your hair and leaves it so shiny! 
I also tend to use whatever shampoo and conditioner is on offer for just everyday, but the ones above are my favourites. I also heat style my hair a lot, so I use a VO5 heat protect serum which can be used on wet and dry hair, or the Superdrug heat protection spray if I've used a heavy conditioner or shampoo as I feel the VO5 one can weigh my hair down and it gets greasy quicker. Cool. 

Body

Shower Gel: I tend to use anything from the Sanex shower cream range for everyday, but my favourite treat-yourself shower gels are The Body Shop's Satsuma shower gel, or Lush's Plum Rain, as it smells amazing and leaves your skin really soft without moisturising. 

Moisturisers: I use a few, mostly on my arms and legs, and they are: Lush's charity pot (on my tattoo), Holland & Barrett's aloe vera gel, or Avon's family moisturiser. I have also recently started using a massage bar from Lush on my legs and it leaves them softer than anything else! (Pro tip: if you exfoliate after shaving your legs, and then moisturise too, your skin will be so soft, and it's a really nice self-care thing to do). 

Face

I'm trying to use up a lot of products that I purchased a while back, so I'm using a lot of products on my face right now. Here are my favourites...

Cleansers:
Masks:
Moisturisers:
Simple's Light Hydrating Daily Moisturiser 
Simple's Oil Balancing Day Cream
Superdrug's Vitamin E Eye Cream
Aloe Vera Gel (good stuff this)
Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream
Nivea Creme
I use quite a few moisturisers because my skin gets really dry around my eyes, and really oily on my t-zone and cheeks, so I use the oil balancing one there, and the hydrating one in my dry zones. I use the Nivea ones at night, because even if you have oily skin, you do still need to hydrate it!

The last product that I have a lot of hype about is Lush's Tea Tree Toner Water. I use it after cleansing my face in the morning and after showering in the evening and it both removes any traces of cleanser left on my skin, and I feel that it's improved the appearance of my skin. Plus, the tea tree really helps with combating any spots which is a bonus! 

My skincare routine is something that I've been working on for a while, and these are just the products that work for me and my skin. Obviously everyone is different and what helps my skin might not help yours but it's definitely worth trying some different products and routines and finding what helps your skin. 

I hope this was an interesting read, I've linked all of the products that I use so you can check them out. 

Happy autumn loves ♥