"13/08/2015 - Today I am exhausted... Whether its due to my late nights and the concert, or because I've done what feels like so much recently, I just don't know..."
This is a tiny part of what I wrote in my journal on Thursday, there's more, but I was too tired and it makes no sense. It's how I've been feeling lately, despite getting around nine hours' sleep each night. This isn't a depressed kind of tired, I think it's more of an "I've seen so many people" kind of tired..
In the past few weeks, I've been shopping, twice, hung out with my friends a fair few times, been to a band rehearsal and been to a concert.. It may not seem like much, but I'm out of practice, so it's a lot.. I'm definitely not complaining about this, as I've really enjoyed it all so much, but I am really exhausted.. Maybe it's a sign of introversion, or (unlikely) social anxiety..
Then there is the band thing.. We've only hung out a couple of times, but I don't know.. As much as I love playing music, I don't think this band is the right one for me.. My music taste is starting to change a little, and I like mellower stuff at the moment.. I don't really enjoy hanging out with my band, I don't know the guys very well, and my music taste is very different to theirs.. I am thinking of quitting, but I'd feel bad, because the singer has already bailed on us, and I don't really know what I'd tell them.. It's just too much for me at the moment.. I have to learn to play songs I either don't like or have never heard of, and spend time with people I barely know.. Not fun.. I just don't know what to tell them...
Lastly, I am worried about dying my hair.. As pathetic as that sounds, its true.. I feel as though I'm finally starting to like myself the way I am, and now I'm going to dye my hair dark purple and cut it short.. What if I don't like it? What if people at college don't like it? What if they don't like me? I don't know..
I wrote this impromptu post because Emma has mentioned a few times that I don't really say how I'm feeling.. So here it is...