Monday 15 February 2016

Take a Walk in my Shoes..

Come take a walk in my shoes
Come on, which pair do you want? 
You can clomp around in my punk-rock Cherry Reds
Or dance the streets 
In my tiny TOMs,
Like the delicate fairy
That you are. 

Here, take a pair.
See how it feels to be the girl
With the baggy tees and dark glasses.
Now you're the girl
Who feels surprised
and scared
When people you barely know
People you literally just met
Ask you to hang out with them at lunch
Ask you to go get food with them
And they ask you
Around five times. 

You barely know them
Yet you want to
Oh god, you want to. 
And the fear you feel
Is overwhelming. 
So you leave them with a 'maybe'
And hope they don't hate you.

You're the one 
Who still listens to punk bands
Because they gave you a voice
When you had none. 
And now you have a voice
A tiny one
Because of a tiny corner of the Internet
Where you write
Whatever you feel like
Because it helps. 

All you want 
Is to help people
And to grow as a person yourself.
And you don't know how to do either of these things. 

Your nightmare would be
Leaving the house in a crop top
Or shorts
Because you prefer to hide your perfectly acceptable body
Behind oversized tees
and denim jeans. 


And now you're growing.
You're no longer the person you thought you would be.
You no longer want to be the one
Who hides behind band tees
and the colour black.
And yet you have no idea how to change.


Now return my shoes.
You've walked far enough for today.
And you don't have to keep them.
Which pair did you choose?
My beat-up Chucks
That are covered in beer
and sweat
and God knows what else
That is found on the floor of an indoor skate-park
Turned music venue
After the show has finished.

Or perhaps you chose

My daily Docs
The black ones
The hiker-boot style ones
That I basically live in
During the winter months. 

But no matter. 

Because now you see. 

And you can no longer call me 
Quiet
Or 
Shy
Or
Antisocial. 
Because you understand. 

I want to talk to you
I really do
But I've no idea how
Or what to say
Or how to say it.
I can't just jump into a conversation.

As for life.
I don't know what I'm doing.
And yet,
At the same time,
I do. 
Because I'm going to work in the music industry.

Every day.
Until I fall on my ass. 
Which could be any time.
But until then,
I'm going to enjoy it.

And I'm not lazy.
You know this now.
I just don't know how to go about stuff.
So I avoid it. 
Stay in bed too late
So the day is gone
And I don't have to do the one thing
That I'm dreading. 

I want a job.
I really do.
It's time for me to stop wasting time
And start growing up.
I'm ready for that now.
All I need is a chance.
One chance.
One single fucking chance.

I love to learn
And try new things.
Yet no one sees this
Because on paper

They don't know me
So I have no job
And no chance
Of getting anywhere. 

So now you see
Because you've had a chance to be me. 
And you've walked a while
In a pair of my shoes.  

2 comments:

  1. Wow, I love this. I love your shoes and I love how I felt like I truly did walk around in them for a while. I don't have a job, either, and I often feel like I hide behind black and band tees, too. That's something I've been trying to address lately -- am I dressing to hide myself, or to fit my frame/express myself? So, yeah, really radical post. I have all of these same so-called "antisocial" feelings as well.

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    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much! That means such a lot!! Yes, I completely understand, and it's such a difficult thing for me to kind of change; I have pretty clothes, I just sort of don't know how to wear them, or can't find them at 6 a.m. :') Ah well, I'll sort something out!
      Thank you again for your lovely comment x

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