Wednesday, 20 January 2016

"Don't Grow Up; It's a Trap"

Recently I've been feeling like
I stepped in a puddle
Only to find out
It was the sea 
And I cannot swim.

Panic-inducing waves 
And ice cold, dark waters
Surround me
Tower over me.

I cannot breathe.

Is this how it feels to grow up?
Suddenly you're alone
And panicking
With everyone yelling at you
Telling you to breathe
As if they can't see the waters that surround you.

One day I was jumping in piles of leaves
The next
Paying taxes
Voting in elections
Time moves so fast
And I have no hope
Of ever keeping up. 

So if you couldn't guess from my little poem-type-thing, I am scared of growing up. I turn 18 this year, and there are so many big decisions about my future that I have to make.. And sure, I've literally only just started college, and being 18 is no big deal, but to me... it kind of is. 

You see, everyone around me seems to be confident, and successful, they all have jobs and don't wear the same pair of jeans for like a week.. And me? I'm still just this small, shy, quiet kid that can't talk to new people, and freaks out whenever she even thinks about getting a job.. I cannot be 18 this year.. I'm almost an adult.. No. No way.. 

I swear it was only yesterday I was in school?? And now I'm looking into universities, and booking open days to have a look around.. My brain can't seem to comprehend the fact that I'm 18 this year.. I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life.. And it scares me so, so much. More than it should.. I've been feeling very emotional lately.. 

Anyway, have a photo I took while I went on a walk this morning, to help clear my head...

Out of focus photos and fingerless gloves aren't cool? Pfft, you're not cool. 

Anyways, back to freaking out about my future!

Bye for now, guys!!

- Dottie. 

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